I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
