Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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