I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
