No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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