The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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