her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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