seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
