xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
