what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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