Tell her she can't have a vagina
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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