if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
It was like getting head from an anaconda
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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