since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Randomize
