At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
