at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
birth control should be required to get into college
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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