god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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