People in love make me want to vomit
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
