Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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