Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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