i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
