it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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