every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
