I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
