literally had 100 drinks last night.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
