whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
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