i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
