I'm so fucking centered right now
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
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