I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
