Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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