Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
