none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
