walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
