its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
