I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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