I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
