can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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