he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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