I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Randomize
