moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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