Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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