If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I want her autograph on my taint
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
