woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
