I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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