perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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