I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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