You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
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