i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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