my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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