He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
