I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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