I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Randomize
