i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
